Avec moi, le deluge

Posted by alea at 7:58 PM

I collect toy version of Noah and his ark. No, really, stay with me here. This has been going on for a few years now. Largely, I'm tickled by the fact that so many of them exist. I mean, after all, the Flood was essentially the mass murder of 99.99% of humanity. And yet, we have miniaturized it and molded it out of plastic for kiddos to amuse themselves. Well, kiddos and at least this one adult. (I'm an adult, right? Like, I voted a few weeks ago, and own a car, and pay my own rent. I'm not still a whippersnapper, am I? Will I ever not wonder about this?)

My latest two acquisitions are pretty stellar. One for being imponderable. The other for being adorable. (Actually, if we go back to the my antepenultimate acquisition, we get the "Noah tree". Which is what it sounds like, as much as Noah tree can sound like a thing. It's a wooden shape with three limbs perpendicular to a base off of which hang twinned pairs of animals. And a helpful "Noah's Ark" sign. I'd post a picture, but last time I tried to move it the pieces scattered everywhere and I despaired for the continued existence of zebras after the 40 days and nights when I momentarily could not find them.)

So, the first one is weird because it's marketed as a Noah's Ark toy, but...well, let's just jump to image, shall we?



There are no pairs of animals here. Nor does Noah have a wife. Instead, we get this random assortment of critters. It's not so much Noah's ark as Noah's menagerie and petting zoo (as there's a weird mishmash between tigers and pigs, elephants and horses, giraffes and cows). What's even better is Noah himself. Now, I know we might not know when precisely the Flood went down, but it was before the 19th Century, wasn't it? Because Noah sure is rocking the late century French sailor thing, even down to the brass buttons and salty beard. 


I don't even really know what to do with this guy. But he's also pretty unsure, with those shifty eyes, always looking off to the side. He's a suspicious one. Though, I mean, if you were alone on a boat with this motley crew of animals, wouldn't you be giving side-eye to the tiger? You know he's got something up his sleeve. Plus, the pig and the giraffe have been grousing a lot and this guy is dangerously close to having a mutiny on his hands. If he had hands, that is. Though is sailor even the right profession here? He kinda looks like a train conductor, doesn't he? I guess a boat is just a train that goes on water. 

The only way I can comprehend this weird thing is thus: the toy came in a box with only Chinese characters on it. So, it was produced in China for...the home market? The Chinese diaspora? I don't know, but I think that might explain it. Because, these Chinese clearly aren't "getting" the whole "the animals, they came in they came in by twosies twosies". But can you blame them? 

My other one is less inexplicable. Well, I mean, it's still sorta strange (see above: destruction of all of humanity is a plaything). This one is a hollow wooden egg in the shape of Noah the freakin' GIANT. Look at him!



He's so big that a 300 cubit long ship is like a kitten in his hand! But, he's so big, you see, because all those animals fit inside of him. Precious. And no, I don't use that word just because Sapphire's heroine is also, ahem, large.

But I love this one! Egg shaped animals would have made getting them on the boat and storing them so much easier! Just throw them into some cartons and you're ready for your long journey. Plus, you've got those cute, but unclear animals over to Noah's left. They sorta look like cats, but that doesn't really fit the whole African animal theme. So, maybe meerkats? Do meerkats have whiskers? I think the fact that I can't really tell the shape of whatever it is thanks to the egginess compounds the problem.  Seeing this one made me wish I owned a nesting doll version of the ark. You could start with the ship and go down to something teeny like a mouse. It'd be amazing. Somebody should make that. And then give it to me. Because, I clearly need more things in my life. Especially arky things.

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