Sure, you can, if you really want to.


Throughout Salt Lake, there are ads that appeared about a month ago. They are for the Utah Republican Party, which as we all know is an organization that really needs to sell itself to its target audience. I mean, Utah is, after all, a battleground state.

These ads are a play on the fact that Republican contains the words "I can". (Those GOPsters! Their wit amazes!) They finish out that sentence with things like "I can start my dream business", "I can prosper", or "I can dream big" (democrats, it appears only squelch dreams. Because they're Marxists.) I think, though, to be fair, we should expand the options of finishing this setence to some other things that the Utah Republican Party supports.

Here's some examples to get started:

  • I can work four jobs and still not afford health insurance
  • I can marry the person I love, unless that person is the same sex as I am
  • I can adopt children (assuming I'm married)
  • I can pray at school events
  • I can work way past retirement age, because social programs are a sign of weakness.
  • I can get an abortion, maybe. And only after my husband's been notified
  • I can pay less tax and still complain when the government doesn't run smoothly
  • I can expand offshore drilling
  • I can fight an unwinnable war for decades

Got any others to add?


Annie said...

I can celebrate mediocrity (in my vice presidential candidates).

Seagulljaap said...

I can attack anything I want as "Anti-American".

daine said...

I can wildly misunderstand socialism.

Hildegarde said...

I can attack someone because their middle name isn't as American as I want it to sound.

I can defame someone simply by not correcting those whom I know are wrong.

[kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] said...

I can live in "Real America"

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