Former-day Saints

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Petra posted a humorous take on Follow the Prophet if we were using the Qur'an as our holy book. Something that's always made me wonder about that song (besides the cultic, chanting effect it produces) is why is all Bible prophets? Why nobody from the BoM? Or better yet, Latter-day prophets? Since I'm clearly not above running with, read stealing, a good idea (and because coming up with these was way more interesting than listening to what my Stake President thought was truth but veered a bit close to false doctrine for me), here's some ones I came up with today.

Note: They also show why I'll never be in charge of any Church-produced material.

Brigham was a prophet, Lion of the Lord.
Against fornicators he would wield a sword.
He led us to Zion, where the stakes did grow.
He taught God was Adam, th'only one we know.

Wilford was in trouble for polygamy
So he stopped the practice in, at least, theory.
Then the evil Congress couldn't steal our lands.
Now we are embarrassed by the fundie bands.

When Lorenzo travelled way down to Dixie
He received a vision how to raise money.
Now we pay our tithing so that we won't burn
And to use the temple, where all things we learn.

Heber was in power nearly thirty years.
He made it essential that we don't drink beers.
He valued sticking with from baseballs to song.
If we take his lead then we cannot go wrong.

McKay ran the kingdom as it grew threefold
But for negro Priesthood wasn't very bold.
He ran Correlation, stealing women's power.
We have him to thank for Sunday School's hour.

Spencer love the Indians, raised the Priesthood ban,
thought that Cain was Bigfoot, served his fellow man.
Hoffmann may have tricked him, but we all were fooled.
In his book he taught that passions should be cooled.

Ere the Lord called Benson, we used other books.
Now the Book of Mormon captures all our looks.
He was very right wing, called the women home.
He was in the Cabinet, overseeing loam.

Hunter only lasted nine months at the head.
So he couldn't do much before he was dead.
Much like Lee before him, we haven't much to say.
Just for out-surviving, we praise them today.

Hinckley is our leader and no kind of fraud.
He bulit mini-temples to bless Saints abroad.
He visits all the world, shows them that he cares
and is seen on t.v., every couple years.

And if we want to reach back into the Bible what about:

Miriam with Aaron was a source of strife
When she questioned Moses on his choice of wife.
God made her a leper for this evil deed.
Let this be a lesson: women should not lead.

Anna wasn't young when Jesus Christ was born.
Recognizing Him when His foreskin was shorn
Made her get a mention by the doctor Luke.
She's another witness and not just a kook.

2 comments:

Petra said...

Darn it, I was going to do that next week? Now what am I going to do during church?

(Although, in all honesty, you did that much better than I could have. I'm not sure I could come up with that much trivia about any of the latter-day prophets, with the exception of Hinckley.)

Robert said...

brilliant

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