I just wanted to bear my testimony of alternating current

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It's not every week that a girl passes out in sacrament meeting, right? Fortunately, she had the good taste to pass out right before the closing hymn, so we were able to wrap things up without too much fuss. The standard reading was that she was suffering from low blood sugar. I, however, prefer to think that she was carried away in the spirit. Not only because that's so 19th Century Mormonism but also because one brother's testimony was astounding powerful. I mean, we're talking, strong enough that I could understand why the father of King Lamoni fell as if dead. Seriously. I can only imagine what it would have felt like if I were in a state that didn't offend the spirit.

I figure the strangeness of the occurrence must have been what prompted the benedictor to go momentarily crazy. He must have been unsure of what to say, or at the very least, what he was saying. He inserted a "please bless the sister that fainted, that she can regain her strength." Fair enough. Nothing wrong there, but then there was an and. And the and was following "may know that Jesus is the Savior of the world." Wow, she fainted because she lacked testimony? Or something. Is this some doctrine I'm not familiar with?

As long as we're talking about crazy, we also had a guy bear testimony of cell phones (as far as I could gather, technology proves we're living in the Dispensation of the Fulness of Times, thus cell phones are true, or something). In Elders Quorum, we also were privileged to have explained to us just how much like an eager, all-loving puppy Jesus is. Now, I'm no expert, but that's blasphemy, right?

8 comments:

Petra said...

Have I ever told you about the time one of the sisters in my branch died during the closing hymn?

alea said...

Was this when your family lived in Indonesia?

My great-grandmother also died in church.

Petra said...

Yup. Her heart stopped in the middle of the closing hymn--I wish I could remember which one it was, but since I can't I'll just claim we were in the middle of the line "And should we die/Before our journey's through"--and my aunt, who was conducting, dropped the hymnbook and stared, and the doctor in our ward jumped and started performing CPR. He revived her successfully and she lived another nine years.

Robert said...

If you die in church, you die in real life.

alea said...

robert-

yes, but I'm pretty sure you also get a free pass to heaven, as well.

Anonymous said...

Fainting? Really? You never tell me the interesting stories Alea.

Don't let them force you to marry.

Jabca

Shaun R. said...

if you can have a testimony of graham crackers and shoes, why not cell phones?

alea said...

you see, the difference is that I don't have a testimony of graham crackers, but rather because of graham crackers. This guy was stating that technology is true, which is very clearly something else.

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