All My Gettings

I am a notoriously late person. My friend’s are so acquainted with this tendency of mine that I no longer need to even text them “I’m going to be late”. Instead, I send off the message “You’ll never guess what I’m about to say…” at the time we’re actually supposed to meet. It’s not a habit I’m particularly fond of, but then again, I’m not really being all that proactive about fixing it.

One thing people claim you can do to improve your punctuality is set your clocks ahead. Of course, this is silly. Because if you know how far ahead they are, you just do the arithmetic and it doesn’t solve anything. But, I do set my clocks ahead. Trick is, no two are set the same time ahead, so I’m not in sync. My watches (yes, watches. I like to accessorize, ok?) are some variation between three and ten minutes fast. Actually, this one does help a smidge, as I’m never sure which watch is on the ten-minute end and which is a smaller gap.

My car clock runs 17 minutes ahead of schedule. Which, for someone like me, can be taxing on math skills. “Let’s see….it says 6.42, but it’s 17 minutes fast so that makes it…” Sums and differences are not something I’m particularly speedy (or adept) at. To make matters worse, this clock also sometimes runs faster (up to 20) or slower (down to 13). I’m not making this us. That clock is a shifty character.

One of my alarm clocks (because, yes, I also need multiple ones of them to urge me up in the am) is set two hours earlier. The reason here, though, is simple. If you have to wake up before 6, it’s sometimes nice to fool yourself into thinking you’ve set your alarm for 7.48, not 5.48, right? (Speaking of weird time things…I never set an alarm for an increment of five minutes. It stresses me out).

Also, though, I’m around clocks that run on time all day long. My cell phone, for instance, automatically updates its time. Or I’m a computer. Or I’m in an office or class setting with prominent clocks. So, I can’t get very far away from the correct time. So, all these efforts to trick myself are wasted.

But, really, what’s this post about? Two things. First, I am a deeply neurotic person. Second, I’ll always be late. But my apologies for the same are always very timely. In fact, let me apologize now: I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. It'll happen again, but I don't mean anything by it.