I'll take some fries with that and the latest version of Norton Antivirus

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Yesterday, I was taking a different route home from work when I passed a Burger King. On its marquee, they boldly announced "FREE WIFI NOW AVAILABLE". I'm confused. Who goes to a fast food joint with the intent to spend enough time there to use internet. Also, who was in charge of this business plan? I can only imagine the meeting:

Suit A: We'll, we've noticed a steep downturn in profits, who's got any ideas for boosting customer loyalty?
Suit B: We could make the food better.
Suit A: Don't be ridiculous. We need a gimmick, not a solution.
Suit C: What if we start offering free wireless. The kids are all about this internet-thing these days.
Suit A: Brilliant! Johnson, get on that.

What was particularly perplexing about this WiFi-Whopper union was that the Burger King in question is located in the heart of suburbia. I could sort of see this making sense in a downtown-ish area or if they were near big office parks and could maybe just steal the WiFi but pass it off as their own. But the middle of Sandy, UT across the street from a mall and surrounding by one one, but three strip malls? This is odd.

In unrelated things, the ordinance of confession=awesome. I think this is an ordinance in Mormonism, right? I mean, it's necessary for salvation, it is overseen and approved by the presiding authority, and it effects a real spiritual change. Plus, it's a sacrament in traditional Christianity and I think I could make a pretty good case that all of the sacraments are really ordinances now. It might run afoul on the grounds that it lacks exact wording, but then blessing the sick is unquestionably an ordinance but doesn't have precise form, either. [Actually, now I'm a little curious if lack of prescribed form could explain why women were granted the right to bless the sick and afflicted for so long. Maybe it's not an ordinance at all. It's decidedly not a saving one. So, maybe this is how we should readjust priesthood...as the rightful conduit of saving ordinances only with endowed women welcome to participate or officiate in non-saving ordinancy things, i.e. blessing of health and comfort, settings apart.]

Also, we have to wear name badges at work now. Supposedly this makes the campus "more secure". Problem is, there are only about 30 of us who work here, so unless we have exceptionally paranoid students, what are we being keep secure from? I'm not pleased. Mostly because I feel goofy wearing a bright red, chunky lanyard. I'll probably be subversive and replaced the branded lanyard (everything here is branded...EVERYTHING) with a discreet chain. And, of course, I'll only put it on when I'm not sitting in my office. Which means I'll have to wear it, oh, 3 minutes every work week.

2 comments:

Prolix said...

It's hilarious you posted this today, because on the weekend James and I were driving home from Superstore and saw an A&W with free wifi. A conversation ensued about how many people would use said free wifi, and whether they would eat onion rings and get grease all over their laptops while doing so.

Jonathan B said...

well i think you're wrong... i often choose where to be based on whether or not they offer FREE wi-fi. why not?

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